Negotiation is an art form and a skill that is well worth mastering. You may choose to study this skill as part of a more formal style of training such as for a project management certification like PMI or APM project management, or simply through observation. Either way, having it in your skills arsenal can offer you a powerful tool that can stand you in good stead during your career.
Research has shown that most people have a difficult time when it comes to really listening to the other side of any negotiation. Whilst the other person is talking it is all too easy to start thinking about what might be said instantly in reply rather than actually taking the time to absorb what is being said. Unfortunately, this way of thinking and responding leads a person to believe that only their opinion is the right one when, in fact, there has been little listening to the other point of view.
When you allow a few moments of silence in any negotiation before responding it can help you to turn off your internal voice. This makes listening more effective. It can be as simple as counting to three in your head, but this simple move can have a far bigger impact on a negotiation than you might realise. Silence can help you perform better and make wiser responses.
Silence – using your skills
When you use silence in your negotiations you are deploying active listening skills. This means that you will be listening, paraphrasing, enquiring, and also acknowledging everything that is being said. Experience tells us that active listening is not instinctive for many of us – we tend to think we are always right so advocate for our own point of view. When we put ourselves in a position where we are truly listening, and perhaps more importantly when the other person feels they are being listened to, we can start to appreciate other points of view and have more meaningful discussions.
Silence offers a few seconds in which you can broaden your perspective in a way that is essential in tricky negotiations if you are to avoid a stalemate or one side imposing their view on the other, which just builds up resentments that will rear their ugly head in the future. Those who are great negotiators may, or may not, be great talkers, however they are always great listeners. Silence gives you the opportunity to dampen any instincts for self-advocacy and improve your instincts to listen fully.
Silence in negotiation allows you to calm situations and retain your power
When it comes to defusing tense situations, silence can also be a very powerful tool. It can work forcefully and clearly in any type of negotiation. If you‘re in negotiations with another party and someone suggests something unacceptable (whether that’s a delivery deadline or a cost), then silence will be a better option than anger or other negative reactions. It allows the other party to clearly see that what they‘re proposing is not acceptable.
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Of course, if you‘re not face-to-face during the negotiations, you may feel that it’s impossible to project a negative reaction without words. However, using silence on the telephone or a video call can be just as powerful. Silence still has the potential to put the other party on the back foot and feeling they need to compromise to move the conversation forward.
Silence can allow you to lose bias and deliver the right point
Giving yourself some time to think will also allow you to consider whether the next thing you‘re about to say could have any psychological bias behind it, especially one that could hurt your cause. It can be tricky to disrupt the flow of conversation with silence, but taking time to carefully consider your words will go a long way towards making your point well in almost any scenario.
Final thoughts
Whilst the idea of staying silent, taking time to think before responding, and giving yourself the opportunity to formulate an appropriate answer may seem counterintuitive to many, it is in fact one of the best tools you have when it comes to negotiation. It can be hard not to simply blurt out a response, or react immediately, and learning how to be silent is a skill that may not come easily, but it is certainly one that is worth learning. Practise the simple step of counting to three before responding during any negotiations. Ensure that you are listening fully to the other party and have understood everything that they have had to say and then carefully formulate your response.
Taking these few simple steps may not feel like you are doing much but silence can speak volumes so give it a try and see just how powerful silence can really be when it comes to succeeding in difficult negotiations.